Have you ever had someone say something about you that was completely untrue?

I recently experienced this, and it felt like a slap in the face. The statement was so out of left field that I had to ask, “Who are you talking about?” And their response? “You.”

This person has known me for years, which made their comment even more surprising. It left me wondering what other untrue things they might believe about me—and whether those false perceptions are shaping how they truly feel about me. As someone who has spent much of her life caring (sometimes too much) about what others think, I’d be lying if I said it didn’t matter to me.

I did speak up. I gently explained that what they said wasn’t true—it was their perception, not a fact. I even asked why they would say something like that, but they didn’t have much of an answer. Still, their comment sparked some soul-searching of my own.

What If I’ve Been Wrong Too?

This experience made me pause and ask: Have I misjudged people too? Surely not me…right?

But the truth is, I probably have. That realization was humbling. We all view others through the lens of our own experiences, biases, and expectations. What we think about someone isn’t necessarily the truth—it’s our perception. And that word—perception—is packed with meaning.

Synonyms of perception:
Image, viewpoint, observation, judgment, opinion, impression.

Antonyms of perception:
Ignorance, misconception, misunderstanding, stupidity.

Words carry weight. When someone starts a sentence with “You always…” or “You never…”, it’s often a sign of a deeper belief they hold. In those moments, we can either silently agree or gently offer correction. And if we do correct them, it’s important to lead with “I”—“I feel,” “I believe,” or “I’ve experienced…”—which helps de-escalate misunderstandings.

Grace Over Assumption

Not long ago, I heard a story that perfectly illustrates this point. I’ll share it as if it were my own:

I was at Wegman’s, waiting in line, and noticed the woman ahead of me had a cart full of canned goods, processed foods, and—gasp—candy. No fresh produce, no dairy, no meat. I instantly judged her. Is this what she feeds her family?

But then, I overheard her telling the cashier she was buying all the items to donate to a food bank.

Ouch. That stung. My assumption was completely wrong.

Learning to Reframe

That moment reminded me of something vital: I don’t know what’s going on in someone’s life. And people don’t always know what’s going on in mine. Others may place unfair expectations on me, and truthfully, no one—not even the people closest to me—can truly know if I’m doing my best. Only God and I know that.

And that’s incredibly freeing.

So, moving forward, I’m asking God to help me reframe my thinking. To trade quick judgment for gentle curiosity. If it’s someone I know, maybe I’ll ask more questions before forming an opinion. Maybe I’ll pause before jumping to conclusions.

Because here’s the truth: people’s opinions of me are often more about them than me. And that’s oddly comforting.

A Word of Wisdom from Jesus

“But the words you speak come from the heart—that’s what defiles you.”
— Matthew 15:18 NLT

The words people speak—especially the hurtful ones—are often reflections of their own heart, not a reliable mirror of who we are. That doesn’t mean we should stay silent. It’s okay to gently defend what’s true and clear up misunderstandings to protect our hearts from bitterness and unforgiveness.

At the end of the day, you get to decide whether someone else’s version of you is right. You get to walk in truth, not perception.