Do you also find that your happiness dwindles with the onset of the holiday season? It’s often those daunting, unrealistic expectations of the holidays that are to blame.
So, here we are, the start of the holiday season. It usually begins with Thanksgiving, and sometimes even earlier, as the Christmas holiday seems to be approaching sooner each year. This time of the year often makes me feel anxious and depressed. My daughter even mentioned it to me the other day, and I couldn’t help but wonder why. Today, I decided to delve deeper into this matter, seeking insights and understanding. What I discovered was that it all boils down to unrealistic expectations and the pressure I place on myself to have a “perfect” holiday. This pressure only leads to disappointment and feelings of inadequacy.
An unrealistic expectation is a belief or hope that is not practical or attainable given the circumstances. These expectations often set standards that are too high or impossible to achieve, leading to disappointment and frustration when reality falls short.
For example, expecting to have a perfect holiday season without any stress or setbacks is an unrealistic expectation. It is the desire to buy the perfect gift expecting a reaction from the receiver that just might not happen. It is expecting a Christmas gathering that looks like a Hallmark movie, decorations, food, and all!
Mental Health Effects of Unrealistic Expectations
I came across this informative article about expectations. It is truly amazing how your life can change when you lower your expectations espeically when they are unrealistic.
The Five Love Languages
You’ve likely heard of the book that explores love languages and perhaps even determined your own through the quiz. I suspect my primary love language is words of affirmation, which may explain my high expectations around the holiday season.
Take the quiz. What’s your love language?
You would think after 46 years of hosting Christmas, I would have learned my lesson about these expectations. To be fair, there have been some Christmases when I’ve simply accepted the reality that it’s not all about what I think. I’ve realized that just because I might not perceive the holiday as a perfect Hallmark movie, it doesn’t mean that my family didn’t think it was just right.
I can’t help but wonder where this all began. I’ve always felt inadequate when it comes to giving gifts. I get nervous when someone opens a gift because I worry it might not be good enough. But what does that say about me? Maybe someone didn’t show appreciation? I have no idea, and I’m not going to blame my childhood, my parents, or anything else. I just need to realign my thinking. As I’m typing this, God is showing me what’s going on in my heart. I love when He does that!
So, what should I do? I accept that’s what I do. I give my best and let God take care of the rest. I focus on the essence of giving. I come to the realization that Hallmark movies are just that—entertainment. They may evoke a sense of warmth and coziness, but they lack realism. While they can provide inspiration, the time spent with loved ones is far more precious than all the decorations, food, and even the gift exchange.
I hope you, like me, can realign your thinking and find a way to cope with the high expectations that often lead to depression during the holidays. I hope you can relax and find contentment in simply spending time and creating memories with your loved ones.
Disappointments and How They Relate to Our Expectations
No one enjoys experiencing disappointment.
Disappointments can vary in severity. They can range from something as minor as a dessert not tasting as expected to something as major as realizing that the person you thought you would spend the rest of your life with is not the one.