Somewhere along the way, I lost my confidence.
My kids notice it all the time. They often say, “Mom, you used to be so confident.” Maybe what they saw back then wasn’t confidence in the way the world defines it—maybe it was me simply walking in the calling God had given me. I was doing what I was designed to do: being their mom.
A Pile of Decorations and a Heart Full of Panic
Last Christmas, I couldn’t bring myself to put up a tree. When Shawn dragged all our decorations down from the attic, I stood at the top of the steps and froze. Panic rushed over me. I asked him to put everything back—and I ran upstairs, spiraling into a full-blown panic attack.
This year, Shawn gently brought it up again. He wanted the tree up. I resisted, remembering the episode from last year. Eventually, I agreed. I thought it would be fun to decorate with my granddaughter, Kayla, while I was watching her—but plans changed. So the bins sat there… untouched. I’d glance at them, maybe rummage a little, but I just couldn’t muster the motivation or courage.
A Word From Exodus
Then this morning, before my shower, I met with the Lord as I always do. In my Bible study, I’m in the book of Exodus, reading about how Moses pleaded for God’s presence. He said he couldn’t lead the people without Him.
That hit me. Moses was facing a monumental task—far bigger than decorating a Christmas tree. Yet he knew his confidence didn’t come from within himself. It came from God.
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Confidence—Not in Me, But in Him
The truth is, I’ve been second-guessing everything lately. Doubting myself. Wondering if I’m doing things right or if I’ll be criticized. It’s hard to pinpoint exactly what drained my confidence—maybe it was life, maybe the voices of the world. Probably both.
But today, even though my chest was tight with anxiety, I pushed through. I didn’t do much, but I got the little tree up. I decorated the front window. Not through my own strength—but with God’s. Honestly, my flesh would have been just fine leaving it all in boxes.
A Tree, A Prayer, A Reminder
Lately, my prayers have centered around my marriage. My relationship with Shawn. He’s been walking through this depression and anxiety with me. His love hasn’t wavered. He’s shown me over and over what commitment really looks like—how love runs deeper than emotion or words.
Love is loyalty. Love is staying. Love is selfless.
So, Shawn, the tree is up. God knows how much this tradition means to you. And it was His strength—not mine—that made it happen. My chest was still pounding, but I knew I wasn’t going to die from putting up a tree. God gave me the breath to get through it. I hope it means something deeper to you this year—because it took everything I had, and everything God gave.
It wasn’t my confidence. It was His presence.
What God Showed Me
This morning’s devotion said:
“Self-confidence can deceive us. Individual Christians, as well as great Christians, fail because we try to go without God. Where there is much self-confidence, there is little true blessing.”
That stayed with me.
Confidence isn’t a bad thing. But the kind that comes from the flesh—it will eventually run dry. It’s confidence in God that makes all the difference.
Final Thoughts
Friend, if you’re feeling like you’ve lost your confidence, you’re not alone. But maybe what you’ve really lost is your connection to the One who supplies it. Moses knew he couldn’t go forward without God’s presence—and neither can we.
Whether it’s a Christmas tree or a major life decision, may we all be reminded:
Where there is much God-confidence, there is abundant blessing.